Monday, June 20, 2011

The Weight of the World

...Or more accurately, the Weight of My Ass. It only FEELS like the world. Both literally and figuratively. Here's the deal. I am 38 years old - and a mother of eight. I had a baby in September 2009 - and then had a baby in December 2010. That, my dear reader is a whole different recovery - weightwise - than having three back to back babies when I was in my twenties and early thirties. Let's just say there is a less forgiving air to my booty. I was NOT in the best shape to begin with. I did not work out and I ate what I wished. Adding two pregnancies on top of that has severely impared my sex appeal. And comfort level. And health.Fixing my booty, and self image and my probable life span has been nagging at the back of my mind, rather heavily since Wyatt was born six months ago. Heavily. < ~~~ See what I did there?

Let's discuss what brought me to the point that I thought I should discuss this horrible subject with you, gentle reader.
Today I approached my bathroom scale a number of times. Each time I had one of the following run through my mind:
  1. Do I get on NOW? My hair is wet. Water is heavy, right?
  2. How about NOW? Do I take off my flip flops? Three dollar rubber shoes are probably going to add a lot...right?
  3. Oooh, How about NOW? Tampon or - ummm...No tampon? Cotton seems heavy...
  4. Is NOW the right time? Didn't I hear somewhere that you are heavier at during the day?
  5. Okay - Now...Wait...maybe it was you're heavier at night, that I heard. Damnit.
I never got on the scale.

I am NOT an idiot. I do of course realize that the cotton content of  my Tampax Pearl is not going to make a goddamned bit of difference.I am quibbling about mere ounces. Something that wont even show up on my regular old, technology free scale. The point here is this - I have never been this heavy before. I have also never looked so bad - or on a daily basis, cared less. I've had NO social life. I bring kids to school, come home, go to an occasional appointment and spend the rest of my day with my kids. I don't Mani/pedi. I don't wax. I don't have any decent clothes that fit me.It nags at the back of my mind daily, but only roars to the front when I need to "dress" for something. Now, I am at the point that I am talking myself out of weighing myself because of a few scant ounces of rubber-water-cotton - take your pick. I have been in serious denial about what I need to DO to get my ass in gear.

The Facts:
Heaviest weight on record. Nearing the weight of childbirth.
Unhealthy lifestyle - my diet sucks.
Breathless when I get to my bedroom, on the third floor.
Clothes do not fit.
FAT clothes do NOT fit.
I HAVE decent cheekbones ... yet cannot find them.
I was plagued by high blood pressure and diabetes during my last pregnancies.
Activity level? WHAT activity level?

I was sort of hoping "outing" myself was going to hold me accountable. Upon rolling that concept over in my mind, I realized that my "I don't give a shit what you think" attitude was going to sabotage me. It's not bravado - I really don't care. I lived far too long with someone who not only made my decisions for me and chastised me, sometimes physically for having an opinion in general, that I've really broke out of that problem with the divorce. Maybe too much.  So, basically Im hoping the facts that my thighs rub together like sardines in a can, I am unhealthy and would like to live a long, long time and that I don't have any clothes that fit me get me motivated at this point. I'm hoping to post whatever progress I make fairly regularly. Don't expect miracles, people. I dislike exercise. I know, I know - it's not cool to say so. I'm honest, okay? I also like carbs. A LOT. So - rather than post a bunch of goals here, let's just write :

Going to try to get into better, healthier shape by fall. 
Fingers crossed - we'll see.

(PS, that last paragraph had a lot of run-ons. I see them, I'm just tired, so can't manage to care )

PPS : I took these today, and liked 'em - thought I'd share =D
Reagan - June 20, 2011

Aiden - also known as Ginger Snap ( he's a redhead.)


Mojo Writin' said...

Hi from a new follower. I have four kids and one grandson, so not quite your standards but I sure as hell can relate to the weight thing. I had my kids with a less than two year gap between each and I have never managed to recover my pre-pregnancy figure (not that it was fabulous, but it wasn't that bad). I decided I could live with it all unless it affected my health.
I recently started trying to get fit rather than trying to lose weight and that does seem to be a better route. If I'm honest, I love to cook and eat so dieting is never gonna be an option. Whatever route you choose, I'd say ignore the scale, goes for the fitter option but don't forget to be kind to yourself because you'll never feel better if you don't find some love for yourself every day!

Michelle said...

You, my dear, have a gift. Have you ever checked out the website "My Daily Fitness Pal." I have heard that it is a great site. :-) I hate to exercise too - except swimming. Maybe walking the dog. But, get on a treadmill - HELL NO! I do it but I HATE every second of it. My friend Debra lost something like 175 pounds with no exercise, just eating correctly. I know I need to lose a ton of weight. We need to start that book club soon - maybe when we do that, we do an optional "weigh in" like weight watchers to keep each other on track. :-)

Michelle said...

oh and by the way - the best time of the day to weigh yourself is first thing in the morning. Get up, go to the bathroom. Take off your PJ's and hop on the scale. I will email you tomorrow morning with what my weight and height is. You can respond and tell me yours if you want. :-)