Sunday, July 10, 2011

I've been quiet for a few days...

Most people would consider that a blessing =)

I am posting today only to let everyone ( all 6 of you!) know that I have a few things in the works to be announced or shared in the upcoming days and weeks. I don't really want to speak TOO much on any of it right now, because I'm just not ready. That being said, I do want to keep y'all updated and prepared to act =) After the upcoming event, I have a couple of things to unveil and hope you all like.

First off, the fundraiser for Brittany and AxD Awareness is just around the corner. Next Saturday, July 16 as a matter of fact. I am terrified no one is going to show up, or just a handful of people at best. We would be most grateful for any number of people, honestly. I just want to implore you to please make the effort to come. It's a fundraiser, yes - and let me assure you we NEED a fundraiser. We do not have an outrageously expensive lifestyle, we live very modestly. Zac works two jobs a day until he is literally ready to drop. I stay home with the kids and try to conjur ways to help the family beyond providing the jobs I do AT home. We pay our rent and are trying to catch up on our utilities. We have a fairly new vehicle (2006) that Zac had before he even met me, and have no car payment.My minivan bit the dust  a few months prior to becomgin attached at the hip to Zachary. We can't afford car insurance right now, so we simply don't HAVE any. Our six oldest kids are from my previous marriage and their father chooses to not support them financially or any other way. Zac does it. All of it. Without being asked He sacrifices, scrimps and does what he can to be sure to provide for HIS family. ( So yes people, a 22 year old "boy" can be a much better, more loving, more responsible and more dedicated father than a 40 year old one. I know, I got him.It took some doing on his part to convince me this is who he was, and he has consistently been that MAN for the past three years) . My kids haven't played sports or done extra curricular activities in the last 6 years because I cant make the conscious, guilt free decision to pay for sports and equipment when we are trying so hard to get caught up. I decide if they can attend birthday  parties for friends solely by whether I can afford a ten dollar gift for the birthday child. We make decisions daily like " Do I put gas in the truck for work, or do I go buy diapers?".  When I see people bitch about being broke, they generally mean they have X amount of dollars still, and don't go below that. Or maybe it means they can't go buy the new iPhone or go on vacation. When I say I'm broke I am panicking that we don't run out or toilet paper, or milk, or formula. My heart sinks when the kids come home waving field trip permission slips in my face.
I don't bare all of this with any regret for our situation. I am not telling you this because I want you to support my family. I am not saying any of this in a way that implies you need to feel sorry for us, or with any expectations of continued financial support. I tell you this because it is true, and I wouldn't for one second, consider trading this lifestyle with one I used to have. The price on that lifestyle was far too high.There is not one person in this family that doesnt have the greatest fear of not being together as a family. All of us.You can't BUY the love we get and give in this house.
While I don't like that my kids hear the word " no" far more frequently than they hear "yes", I love that my children are the amazing, caring, kind, loving and well grounded individuals they are. While I wish we could afford to go on vacation together and just BE together, I am perfectly okay teaching my kids to appreciate the smaller, more intimate time together. I'd like to be able to give them all every little thing they want, knowing that being able to do so wouldn't make them better people- just more materially wealthy.  I can live with what we have. My kids take with them memories not of how we spent XXXX dollars to hit Disney World, but memories of how we would, and have many times, given them our last available dollar for them to be able to go to the dance or because they needed new shoes. I honestly dont think in the long run they would gain more from the trip than they do in knowing what they mean to us.

 So...We have simple needs and we are struggling daily to meet those needs, and begining to succeed. Beyond those immediate needs we have needs in relation to legal and medical matters. Brittany, Isabella and Aiden require that I assume guardianship of them...well about 7 months ago, to be honest. The one thing holding that up is not having the money available to file the petition and the background checks and notary fees that go along with it. I have no will, Brittany has no will or directives. Brittany would benefit from being able to travel to a more experienced and caring doctor to coordinate her care, at least one time. Something that her neurologist is NOT doing. Apparently just because you are the big name in this type of disease in this area, doesn't mean you give consistent, quality care. Or even so much as SEE your patient in the last year. I'll leave that all for another blog, another day.
Another issue we cannot seem to find a way through is that while we do have a decent vehicle with no car payment, it is a Toyota Tundra. Mine is a family of 13 people. We quite literally cannot coordinate a trip, whether it be to a doctor or away for the day for down time or to see family, all together. I don't think I can relate to you how disheartening that is to a family that pretty much only HAS each other. I need to know that should we find better care - or if things turn for the worse with Brits health, we can travel. We need to replace the truck with a van of some sort.

Beyond the financial aspect of this event, I am fearful that should we have a poor turnout Brittany will be devestated. She has been extremely excited and happy at the show of support the community and friends and family have been showing, and promising more of. It puts a smile on her face every single time someone offers to donate an item, promises to attend, leaves a supportive comment or helps promote the fundrasier in any way.When someone shows they care, I can see the love and support she feels, right there on her face.

I am flat out begging you to please not let my kid down.

So, yes...the breakfast is a fundraiser, and while I am uncomfortable doing so, I am imploring you to come. We need some help. I can't be anymore plain or frank about that issue.I have laid my cards all on the line, and I am just simply asking you to please help. The breakfast is 5 dollars. The raffles and bake sale wont impact any one person too deeply, price-wise.

I am respectfully and  humbly asking that if this means this week you skip Starbucks for a couple days, or go the long way to work to avoid tolls, pack your lunch for work rather than order out or drive thru, skip renting movies and spend the night playing board games or sitting under the stars with your kids...please do...and please attend or donate to our FundRazr social fundraising site in your absence.

Heres hoping you all get the jist of my thoughts...Im exhausted and nodded off at the end =)

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